Generations

It was very fun around here! We had been on the road for the past two weekends, and I believe Mike was on the road for the weekend before that, so this was our first weekend at home in a long time!  I love being home.

There are lots of bits and pieces that made this a fun weekend.  We had a party here last night for our midshipman, Chris.  It is his 20th birthday on Monday.  His girlfriend came to town to surprise him, and his mom, Susie, sent crab cakes and a birthday cake.  It was really a fun night.  My brother and his family were here, the Pesuts were here, our old VP-8 friend Dave Mendez was here, and he brought his son who is in Chris' year at USNA.  Chris, Sarah and Dee were here.  The Pesuts brought a navy friend newly assigned to the Pentagon, and a new neighbor stopped by!  Of course, there were 500 plus children running wild.  Poor Chris might have preferred sharing a pizza with just Sarah...

So, the kids stayed up very late.  The Osbornes and The Pesuts went home...some of the guys went on to Downtown Annapolis...the moms put the babies to bed.  Dave slept on our sleeper, Sarah took Charlie's room...the mids went home.  We cleaned up and chatted.  As things were winding down, I thought about the many generations that were in the house that night.  I thought about Chris, entering his twenties, and what a wonderful time in life that is.  As a former high school teacher, I really feel that the late teens twenties are such times of opportunity in life.  I kind of feel like those souls are the ones made to shake up the grown up world.  If groomed to do so, they can lead us, change us, inspire us, and do things that will change our world forever.  They need to be nurtured, loved and guided to have the confidence to have happy lives, and follow their bliss.  Thankfully, they are too young to realize the great responsibility that they actually hold.  If they did, that would be a lot of pressure!!

I thought about the young parents there, the next bunch.  Our days of "shaking things up" are kind of on hold for now.  Our responsibility is to raise children who will be wonderful teens and young adults.  Our job is to "feed 'em, sleep 'em, hold 'em, love 'em" and earn the money to enable us to do that.  Not everyone can rise to this challenge.  I always think of myself as twenty seven - but I'm not - and I owe the world, and Mike, four good people.  And sometimes that just means wiping, bathing and feeding a soul.

I thought about our children!  They were running free.  In and out of the house, chasing one another, Shoes on, shoes off, coats on, coats off...barely stopping to eat.  Taking marriage and legos in the same sentence, covered in dirt, grime, frosting and nail polish, and oblivious and uncaring towards it all.  They are feeling the world out, with confidence, because they are attended to.

I thought about my mom and dad, the world's youngest snowbirds. They have a wonderful winter season in Florida with their friends, and I miss them very much.  My parents were very young when they had me, and I think sometimes that they are able now to enjoy the youth that they spent raising my brothers and me.  I am happy that they are there, kicking it up.  But I really miss them, and I can't wait for it to be "our turn" to have them back here in Maryland with us.  

Finally, I thought of the thing that binds each of these generations, and the thing that makes it possible for each of us, in our different stages of life, to enjoy a party together:  that's the feeling of being needed and wanted.  When Mike would deploy, civilian wives would say to me "How do you do this?" And my answer was always the same, "For me, it's enough to be needed in this world, and to have Mike to love.  It doesn't matter where that happens."  That's not to say that it wasn't arduous.  Those were good experiences.  Children love feeling needed, hugged, touched, loved...believe it or not, adults do too.  When I was a teacher, I often saw the longing that children had for attention...an eye-to-eye conversation...a hand-squeeze...a shoulder snug.  So often just those small gestures could mean so much.  At home, it's important to tell those in our lives that we love them and that we need them.  Especially when it's the hardest time to do so - when you are angry or grumpy, or the person of your affections, big or little or bigger than you feels that way.  Every person of every age likes being needed.

Generations are so very different!  I didn't even have email when I went to COLLEGE!  Our differences though are dwarfed by our similarities, and I had a great time partying it up with all sorts of loved ones on Saturday night.  We all did!

When I finally succumbed to guilt and put Holly Jean to bed, I snuggled up to her and read her a book.  There was a party raging downstairs, and I could hear the Pesuts gathering their things and leaving.  I closed the book and looked at Baby.  She said to me, "Mommy.  God has smiled on me very well."  That's a feeling that HJ and I share across our 30+ years as well.

Nighty night!

Service Call

I'm laying here next to my sick, sleeping baby.  I want to be next to her if that awful cough wakes her up.

Here are some ways that we promote the culture of "Service" in our home.  I would love to get some new ideas, if anyone wants to share.

1.  Mike and I share all chores and responsibilities.  This includes laundry, cooking, caring for the children, yard chores, finances, all of it.  There is no his or hers.  We share our responsibilities so that we can help each other.

2.  Our children are always invited to help.  Whenever they ask "Can I Help?" the answer is always "YES!"

3.  We talk about our needs and the needs of others.

4.  We invite friends in, and we try to make them comfortable.  We always offer our guests something to eat, or drink.  We show little ones the way to the potty.  We listen to our guests and ask questions about their lives.  This may seem like a no-brainer, but it isn't.  It's manners.

5.  More on manners.  Manners are NOT a sign of good breeding or a decent household.  Manners are a way to show that YOU CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.  In our house, we have a saying:  Manners are the courtesy of caring.  When you use manners, you show that you are really thinking and caring about someone else.  When you clear your plate from the table, you are showing that you don't expect someone else to have to take their important time to do it for you.  When you hold a door open, yes it's polite but even moreso it shows that you are considerate enough to think about how terrible it feels to have a door slammed in your face.  When you wait for everyone to be seated before you eat, it shows that you are thinking of everyone at the table, not just yourself.  Teaching children manners is a way to get them to start thinking about serving the world around them.

6.  We avoid sarcasm and speaking rudely.  Adults should not speak sarcastically to children unless they want to teach that to their kids.  Some of the older kids are starting to "try out" what they hear and see at school on us, and we squash it immediately.  We will ask the question, "Do I speak that way to your father?  Do I speak that way to you?  Please don't speak to me that way."  The follow up to that statement, if needed, is:  "You speak that way again to me and your new bedroom will be on Mars."  (Sometimes a bit of sarcasm actually IS needed.  Are bedrooms available on Mars?)

Okay...sick baby is awake.  Love to all.

And for those of you on the RSS feed...

...I once again apoloigize for my proofreading errors.  I'm lazy.  I go back and read after I've published.  It's the way of the online journal.

Night!!!

A Man For Others

Well, I promised an entry about Big Mike for Valentine's Day, and I did not deliver.  But I did have the opportunity to go on a date with the aforementioned husband this evening, and I have got to write about him, and the influence that he has on my world.  He is a man for others.

"A Man For Others," it is the motto of his high school, Fairfield College Preparatory School, and the motto of the Jesuit priests have educated both of us.  To say that Mike lives for others in an understatement.  I always call him "the hardest working man in show business."  He makes us laugh.  He works his ass off for us.  Before he was working for us, he was working for you, and for the enlisted sailors as an officer in the navy.  Whenever we travel and see old friends, or old sailors, I am complimented and reminded of the special gift that my husband has of making people feel loved, of bringing out the best in them, and of encouraging them to want to serve other people. 

It is easy in this country to become tainted by our culture of consumerism and one-ups-manship.  I feel that the best way to be an American is to consume less, to compete less, and to serve more, and this is the example that Mike sets in our family.

Service to others starts in the home.  This weekend, we were out of town at a family reunion.  Our "big girls" were the oldest ones there, and were quite bored.  Instead of complaining and whining to us, they played quietly, and sometimes uncomfortably, with the many babies at the gathering.   At the end of the weekend, we pulled each of them aside and told them how proud we were of them.  Then we offered them each five dollars, to thank them for their hard work.   They were so excited.  They asked immediately if they could go shopping.  We told them that we would see how the day panned out.  Well, we stopped for a break at the Cracker Barrell on the way home, and they had the opportunity to shop at the little store in the front of the restaurant.  They both chose (without being told) to buy something for their siblings, the family, and then themselves.  They made that five dollars go a long way.

When this all panned out, I thought of our fifth "child," our mid, Chris.  We really love Chris.  He bridges the gap between us and our children, and we often ask him questions about how he was raised.  Considering that he is paying for his own college, he is smart, loving and he is respectful to all, we feel that he holds a wealth of knowledge for us as parents.  We know his parents and his four siblings, and we like spending time with his loving family. Once we asked him if he got an allowance.  He told us that he did not.  That it was expected that he serve his family, and that his parents helped him whenever they could.  He lacked for nothing in his childhood, and participated unequivocally.  We thought we would give that a try, and so far we feel that we have made the right choice.  Our older girls are already showing us that they can serve us without any expectation in return.  They take joy in the unexpected reward.  They share that reward with others.

Our new president has called each one of us to serve our neighbor, and I think it's healthy to ask how we are doing that.  Mike serves me and our children in his every action.  I try my best to serve the family too.  We both hear God's call to serve others.  We know that to whom much is given, much is expected.  For now, we do not have the time to serve our community as we would like.  We hope that it is enough that we are trying to raise four good citizens, who will carry on in the tradition of our family: to be people for others.  We strive to raise our children with LESS instead of MORE, so that they will realize that true worth in this life comes from the satisfaction that we get from helping our neighbors.  It's not about the toys, the gadgets, the clothes, or the things.  True joy comes from the human touch, kind words, worthwhile lessons, an understanding of where one has come from - and where one can go. It is rooted in faith, a feeling of purpose and a sense of belonging.  I am proud when I see my family serving one another.  That service comes from the examples of or parents and our friends, and the Jesuit tradition of our family.  In these times, we must live for one another.  We must serve one another, emotionally, spiritually and physically in every way possible - it is love is truest form - when we give it away.

And so I thank my big Mike, for giving it away to me.

Mike made and built a volcano with the kids.  Of all of the cool things that he brings home from around the world, their favorite is time to play with him.

More men for others.  Here's "Dee" one of our mids...playing with Charles.
And Crush.  No, we did not pay him for this adorable photo with HJ.  
It's no easy task getting a bunch of kids out the door - but the man is smiling, and they are all loving him up.  Men who smile a lot are the best.
Before the father/daughter dance.  We put on a fancy dinner...Charles was the Maitre'D. Already, he's serving his sisters.  That service lasted for four minutes before he sat down at the table with the ladies and declared, "This is the best father/daughter dance EVER!"

A copy of an email...

...I sent this out earlier today.  Please let me know if you'd like to participate.  Please keep Hank, Jody, their four children, and their extended families in your prayers.

Love,

Jennie

P.S. To VP folks...this is Eliza's (and Judd's) brother.

Hello everyone! I hope you don't mind the mass email. I am looking for some help in providing some comfort for the family of a squadron-mate of ours. The father of the family is deploying for 18 months to the middle east tomorrow. He leaves behind, in Severna Park, his wife and their four young children. Hank is the "chef" of the family, and we would like to help fill his shoes by providing two meals a week for the next 18 months. We can do it.

I will be delivering meals to Jody every Monday. This means that you would have the weekend to make your meal. I can come pick it up, or, you can bring it to me. I will send out more information once I have a list of volunteers.

For military members, and families, the greatest honor is to serve. It's also the most difficult task, because it tears families apart, physically and emotionally. Hank has gone to the desert for his family, and for you and your family. He will miss two sets of birthdays for some of his children, he will miss many meals around the table. Please join me in comforting this family.

If you prefer not to cook, or you live far away, you can make a donation. Money collected from donations will be used to buy meals at "Super Suppers," and fresh fruits and veggies. A card with the name of your family will attached to your meal.

I'll be putting calendars together on a two-month basis, and I'll give you more details, too. Please write back to me if you'd like to be included.

If you'd like to send a donation, and you need my mailing address, please let me know.

With Love and Gratitude,
Jennie

Romancing The Stove

I love to cook.  I really love Thanksgiving time, when I can get going for a week off and on in the kitchen.  My mother-in-law and my aunt were with us for Thankgiving, and they both really enjoyed the meal (or so they said).  My aunt told me that my mom would definitely have been proud of me, and I think my mom is the best cook on the planet...so that meant a lot to me!

If you are looking for love this week in all of the RIGHT places, why not start with a home cooked meal?  Cooking is easy and fun.  Here are a few of my favorite SIMPLE recipes, and their origins.

Grilled Cheese.  This is simple, and this is Alicia's recipe.  Alicia is an excellent cook and hostess...and I think of her (and her quadrouplets, holla!) every time that I make this satisfying sammie.  Here's how you make it.  1)  If you hate white bread, then for the love of all that's holy use the "whole grain white."  If you make your kid a grilled cheese on whole wheat, he or she will hate you forever, and with good reason.  I'll hate you too...BUT I LOVE YOU!  Okay.  Now here is the key.  You put a THIN LAYER (Alicia says that part very loudly and with purpose.  A THIN LAYER.) of mayonaisse (I always say that word like the French...from Cassie, who is French only by association - more on that when she gives me permission) on the bread.  A thin layer, people.  Then make and brown your sandwich as usual.  It works, I swear.  If Mike's on a trip, then we cozy up and eat grilled cheese.  Every one loves it, and I get to think of one of my angels walking the planet.  Get some boxed tomato soup from the natural foods aisle and ENJOY!!!

Next:  DON PEPINO!!!  Don Pepino is canned spaghetti sauce, and pizza sauce, that is made in Philly.  Kelly made us some homemade pizzas with this sauce once, and I couldn't stop asking about it.  Kelly sent me home with two cans...then I realized that they sell it at my grocery...ON THE BOTTOM SHELF!!!  Now, you people know that I love Mom's garden, I love it fresh and local...but you can't mess with the Don.  You just can't.  That sauce is ridonculo.  NOW.  Here's what you do to make authentic tasting Italian gravy, if you don't feel like making a pizza with The Don.  You saute your favorites in some olive oil:  mushrooms, onions, garlic...then you add The Don and simmer.  When The Don gets too thick, you add vegetable broth and continue to simmer. When it thickens, add more broth. Put it over your pasta, OR...add some clams, some gulf shrimp and dump it on your polenta.  You won't be sorry.  Cheap dinner from a can...it's where we are, right Kelly?  Lemme know if you like it!

Thoughtful food:  food serves two purposes - it fuels, and it's medicine.  If you are eating for any other reason, then you need to think about it.  The kids like to make up recipes in the house, and we always call it thoughtful food. It's important to think about what you put into your temple.

Thoughtful pancakes, from Maggie.  Make your batter.  Dump it in the pan.  Add fine chopped dark chocolate bits and coconut.  You only need one with your coffee.  Add a banana or an apple to your meal.  You'll be ready for a great day.  Thoughtful pancakes are made on weekends only.

Thoughtful soup, from Jennie.  Reconstitute dried mushrooms in boiled water.  Set aside.  In a pan, saute mirepoix (carrot, onion, celery).  Peel and grate fresh ginger into mirepoix.  Continue to saute.  Add salt and pepper.  Add veggie broth, mushrooms and mushroom broth. Simmer until it looks ready.  Add mung bean sprouts (not the nasty iddy biddy ones that almost killed Emily when she contracted e.coli...but the ones that you get at Vietnamese restaurants) and chopped cilantro.  Oh my, it's good. Add some shrimp or chicken (cooked already) if you need protein.  You'll love it and you'll feel so full, satisfied and thoughtful after you snack on it!

See?  Cooking is easy!  You deserve something to fill your tummy and your soul.  This week, show a little love by preparing something yummy in your kitchen.  It's cold outside, and you need to eat!

P.S. To Alana...give us the green smoothie recipe!  Heather loved it!

I just called...to say...

A friend of mine has this funny story. She had been on a date with a guy that she had been seeing for some time. He dropped her off at home at the end of the evening, and she kissed him good night before heading in to her parent's house. As he was backing down down the driveway, he yelled, "What's that band? With Bono, and The Edge?"
"U2?!" She hollered.
"Do you like them?" her boyfriend said.
"I love U2!" she yelled...hoping that tickets to a concert were in her future.
"I love you too!" he shouted back...even though the threshold of exchanging "I love yous" had not yet been crossed.
"THAT DOESN'T COUNT!" she shouted as he drove away laughing.

I love saying "I love you." I mean...why not? I have some friends who bristle at the words, or seem a bit squeamish when I hug them and kiss them and say "I love you." They want to say it back, but they are holding back.  They feel silly.  They just say, "Uh huh!  Okay!  Byeee!"  I even have some friends who have told me that they only save those words for special people and they try not to save them very often.  To me that would be like saying, "I only try to breathe when I REALLY need air."  Saying I Love You is a way of life for me.  I guess it's a tradition that started in my home growing up.  Although my parents were firm, they hugged us and kissed us often.  They always were telling us that they loved us.  Even just the other day, my brothers and I got an email from my dad telling us that he hopes that we know how much he loves us.  We do!

My close friends say "I love you" often.  I remember my high school and college girls always hugging and saying "I love you."  The teachers that mentored me when I was a professional would tell me that they loved me at the end of some of the more "trying" days...and my navy girls, well, that just had to happen, or else we would never would have heard it over those lonely months!  Overseas phone calls were too expensive back then, and (I know this ages me tremendously), but we did not have access to skype or even email back then.  I would not change those times.

A note regarding the navy friends...the guys say I love you too.  Our group of squadron-mates ranges from a Harley biker dude who flies for Southwest to a thoughtful, peaceful attorney in downtown Baltimore, and everywhere in between, but when I finish a phone conversation with one of those guys, or when Mike does, we say (and hear) the three big little words.  It means a lot.

We say I love you ALL OF THE TIME in our house.  We are VERY affectionate.  We hug and kiss, we cuddle and we coo.  Sometimes if one of the kids has nothing to say, he or she will just say, "Mom?  I love you."  My response is always the same, "LOVE YOU MORE! Now get over here and let me take a big bite out of you!"  (The "love you more" game is a game that I play with my mom, too.  She'll be walking away from me through a crowded airport, and we'll be shouting "LOVE YOU MORE" at each other.)

So, as Valentine's Day approaches...yet another dumb holiday constructed by people who make cards...I'm going to continue to put my energy into spreading the love.  It feels good, it's healthy, and it's free!  Also, I'll be doing my favorite Valentine's Day trick to really bug all of those people that I love:  taking a nibble out of each chocolate in the sampler and then putting it back in the box.

Oh, and what about my honey, you ask?  How could I not write about him when I'm writing about love? Well he gets his very own post this week.  I already have it in my head...(and my heart!)

LOVE YOU!!!