Stars In My Eyes

With little fanfare, I'm back!

This weekend, I took a trip with my VP-8 Midcoast Maine Country Club girls...back to the Scene of The Crime...Maine - (The Beautiful!)- where we lived as Military Wives. We were women without children, with careers, educations, and, circumstantially, husbands that worked in war zones for half years at a time, over and over again. We lived far from our families, and did not know anyone when we moved to Maine. I am tempted to write "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." but really, we all would agree, that it was the best of times.

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As not to bore those of you who have not heard from me since August of last year - let me cut to the chase.

1. We were eating dinner at the delicious Street and Company in Portland. It was too noisy to talk, so the six of us were just happy to be pretending to be able to hear one another. We are a loud, boozy, opinionated, loving, foul mouthed bunch of sailor's wives, hidden beneath the guise of cute dresses and borrowed, or purchased on big discount accessories. As a waiter took Angela's plate, Ang stared at the copper topped table in disbelief. Slack jawed, she announced, "HOLY SHIT." (That's not even a real swear in this group.) There, stained into the copper-topped table, were the initials of our best friend, Holly Jean Fitzpatrick - who had died six years earlier of cancer, that very day. Waiters and waitresses professed that they had never seen those initials before. They kept coming over to the table to see, goosebumps covering their arms. The stain could not be wiped or cleaned away.

2. That next morning, Mike took a picture with his phone, and sent to me, a map of an  approach that he was shooting in the G-4. I can't remember the name of the airport, but the approach was called the "Holly One Arrival."  This reminded me of Angela following a car with the vanity plate "Holly One" just a few weeks earlier. 

3. Crowded in the car the following night, as song after song from our youthful days together kept popping up on the radio: "Hollaback Girl" - which Holly, Jen Pesut and I danced to late night dressed in drag in men's khaki working Navy uniforms...("This Shit's Bananas! Bee-A-N-A-N-A-S!")...Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic"..."Good Life" by One Republic.  As we listened, a crazy, huge, orange moon rose over Portland...right over Maine Med, where Holly had died six years before.

As we spoke of these signs, my friend Cassie - who is faithful in a naturalist kind of way - said that these kinds of signs are always around us in life. She thinks that many of us are not open to these beautiful signs, because we are so focused on the minutia of our daily lives. It takes an open person, a person with faith in something bigger, to believe in the mystic messages that are sent to us.

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On one morning of my trip, I had the chance to visit with a very dear Maine teacher friend that is fighting breast cancer. She is one of the best people that I know, and I have complete faith that a cure will be found for her. Her cancer is a difficult cancer to treat, and she is receiving treatment for her third recurrence. We sat outside of her house, and talked "shop" for a while, before heading inside to ohh and ah over the beautiful renovations that she and her husband have done to their home, and to visit with their (of course) Rock Star children. I asked her if she had any other friends that have the same kind of breast cancer that she has. She reported that she did not, and that made me sad, because I really believe that there is strength in unity during times of adversity. Two (or more) women fighting the same kind of breast cancer...or any kind of challenge in life...can help one another. It's important to know someone who has "been there." I made a note to myself to try to find someone for her. My visit with her was very short, and I could have stayed all day - but I was excited for her as I left, knowing her spirit, and the good hands that she is in as she is treated at a world famous cancer research center in Boston. As a matter of fact, I would like for one my my next adventures to be to get to spend a day with her while she receives treatment. As I mentioned earlier, I have faith in a cure for my friend - and I am filled with hope and gratitude for the people that are working so hard to find that cure.

That afternoon, we Navy women toured the places that we had lived. After our Home, Garden and Trespassing Tour, we hit a few favorite stores in Freeport, before hitting the taps at the Beer Garden at Grittys. In the J. Crew Outlet, a sales woman asked me about my Seabag (a ginormo bag made from recycled sails) that has a huge pink ribbon on it. She asked me if it was a breast cancer bag, and if I was a survivor. I told her that I am not a survivor, but that I am the daughter, daughter-in-law, and friend of MANY survivors, and that I am an advocate for Young Adult cancer patents. This woman began talking to me with a sense of urgency and immediacy. She had recently moved to the area and did not know anyone. She was a two year survivor of the exact same kind of cancer as my teacher friend. She did not know anyone in the area with her kind of cancer. I took her information, and I hope to connect these two women, as they piece together their treatments, and wait for their cure.

I was thankful for the little signs...the one that led me to ask for the Seabag for Christmas, the one that led me to my position as an advocate at Ulman Cancer Fund, the one that led me to take that teaching position where I met my friend who is so fiercely fighting, the one that led me to Mike, who led me to my friends, and my children, and these experiences that make me BELIEVE.

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As I digested the weekend over a breakfast date with Mike (before he was out the door on...A TRIP)...I told him, through tears, that these signs from Holly led me to know that she wants me to know that she is GOOD. She's okay...better than okay - she's awesome - and that I should continue to kick up my heels on this journey. Mike told me that she has been okay ALL ALONG...and that as Cassie said, we need to be open to these bigger signs from above. They surround us often.  This takes practice, and I am looking forward to connecting these beautiful dots. They are stars that string connections between friends, family and strangers that we love - whether we are separated through place or time. It's the connections that matter.  Invisible, I KNOW the connections are there, meaningful, and are GOOD.

I am good, and I hope that you are too!

I promise for future blog postings to be about food, or some mess that the kids have made, but for now, I send warm greetings, a whole lot of peace, and wishes for many songs, friends, signs and stars in your life.

Jennie